Without going into much detail (maddening, I know)... I'm going through something right now that could be the most fear-inducing experience of my entire existence. Yet, for the first time in my life, I am not freaking out. I am remaining calm, collected, and doing what I always tell other people in my situation to do: I'm trusting God.
I fully realize that I don't talk a lot about God on the ol' blog anymore. I don't hide my beliefs, I just don't typically flaunt them or attempt to force others to align themselves with mine. I have friends from a variety of spiritual and non-spiritual backgrounds, and my 'ministry' in using this forum is not to recruit others to my point of view; rather, it is to help everyone, regardless of their beliefs, along their own path. So this story is my current story and, leaving out details for now, I'm going to present it as-is.
Something scary happened to someone I love. Then something REALLY scary happened to compound the first scare. And right now, I'm in torpor -- waiting to find out whether the final outcome is going to be good or bad. You, faithful readers, know just how much I suffer from anxiety and fear, so when this kind of trigger pops up, I typically lose my ever-loving mind.
I've found, however, that absolutely nothing ever comes of my fear or my worrying. I'm not saying that the bad things that I dwell on don't ever happen. Of course they do. But living in the fear and the worry itself does not change the outcome of what will be; it simply makes me miserable while awaiting said outcome.
If I change my mindset to one of positivity and joy and living in the moment, and if I rely on God to take care of my circumstances, trusting that He will provide the best outcome, trusting that He is hearing my prayers, and trusting that He wants only good for me... I will not only cope with the waiting, I will be content. Happy, even. And who doesn't want to be happy?
I recite verses: "Cast all your cares upon Him, because He cares for you." "The LORD is my refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble." "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, you are with me." "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." "Fear not, for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy." "For I know the plans I have for you, plans for good and not for harm, plans to give you hope in your final outcome." "For which of you, by worrying, can add a single hour to your life?" And so, so many more. And I declare that the good outcome I am looking for has already happened, and I live in the belief and trust that it HAS.
The outcome will be what the outcome will be. I choose to believe for good, without fear.
And I am happy while I wait.
Stephanie Jean
An update, for anyone who actually reads this -- our baby has lumps on his neck and other spots. We took him in for blood work which came out with abnormal lymphocytes, which freaked us out. They took him in for more blood work specifically to check for leukemia and lymphoma. He does not have anything life-threatening but it sure was a scary couple of weeks. Still working on a diagnosis but everything appears to be fine. *WHEW*
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