Monday, July 30, 2012

Strength in Weakness: Trust Issues

Have you ever been lied to by someone you love?  Betrayed?  You know that feeling when you never expected to have the rug pulled out from beneath you, but now you're laying on the floor, looking up, thinking, "How could I not have seen it coming?"  And now that you've lost the trust in 3.4 seconds, it will take years, and years to get it back... if you ever can, that is.

I've been on both the receiving end of such a feeling, and on the giving end as well.  I've placed my trust in people who have let me down, and hurt me fiercely.  On the other hand, I have destroyed the trust of some of those I love most dearly in the world, and turned their lives upside down.  Neither end of broken trust is the good end.  Neither heals quickly, and rarely does either forget, even when forgiveness has been achieved.

So many of us have trust issues because we're placing our faith in the wrong place.   We want to trust people we love, but the truth is, we're all flawed human beings.  We make mistakes constantly.  We're not perfect.  We're weak, we're self-centered, and our biggest drive to do something is because we want to do it.  Often, that means we put the feelings of others aside and pursue our own desires.  Sadly, just as when hurtful words escape your lips you cannot unspeak them, you also cannot un-lie, or un-hurt.

When you've had trust broken or when you've been the one to break trust, an awful lot of forgiveness is necessary to begin rebuilding the cracked foundation of a relationship, be it a marriage, a friendship, a colleague, or a family member.  Some hurts are bigger than others, and some are nearly unspeakable.  But there is a point when, if you can get to the place of forgiveness, the trust issues now linger in the background, and second-guessing abounds.

We cannot place our trust solely in one another.  Yes, we can trust.  We can build it and, if necessary, rebuild it.  But the foundation of trust must be built in God.  "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding." -- Proverbs 3:5 says.  Good advice, and for more than one reason.

1) God will NEVER let you down.  You may not always get what you want, but He is the One you can trust with your life, to always do what is best for you in the long run.

2) When humans do let you down, or when you've let someone else down, He's the one to go to first.  Make things right with Him, and seek His guidance to make things right with the other person.

3) Our own understanding is clouded and short-sighted.  His vision involves not just the present hurt, but the past that led up to it and the future that it holds after it.

God covers our past and forgets about it.  "In all your ways, submit to Him and He will make your paths straight." -- Proverbs 3:6.  If we give over our trust issues to Him, He can help us to make amends, to forgive, to begin again: this time on the right path.

Stephanie Jean

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