Sunday, April 29, 2012

I'm Not Home

Friday was one of the most trying days I have ever had.  By 3pm, I was fearsomely frustrated, horribly harried, angry and aggravated, and I just wanted to punch someone.  Hard.  You know the feeling, right?  It seems like everything is out of your hands and, no matter how hard you try, you can't make anything work.  Then, of course, if you have to stand in line anywhere, it takes four times as long as it normally would and, if you have to drive anywhere, you're inevitably behind somebody's great-great-great-grandmother going 15mph below the speed limit, and you hit every possible red light between your starting point and your destination.

Talk about a Journey.

Walking with my husband every day has been such a release for me.  I've found that I have to seek out little happeys along the way, else I fall prey to the imminent meltdown.  (Happeys can be a word if I want it to be.)  We both need the exercise, and it's a great way for us to communicate about our day, good or bad, while getting a break from said day at the same time.  Also on my little happeys list: premixed margaritas.  No, I'm not a lush.  Moderation is the key, my friend.  While I had a bad enough day to drink the entire container of premixed margaritas, I only had one small glass.  And a half*.  And I felt less like I wanted to punch someone.

Our middle son had his final choir concert on Friday evening, and he did a fantastic job.  He played his new guitar and sang "It's My Life" by Bon Jovi.  He was a little nervous, I think, but he did a good job.  I'm proud of him no matter what.  He graduates in June, turns 18 in June, gets his driver's license anytime now, and I'm not panicking as much as I was last year at this time with Zachary doing all the same things, because at least Michael is planning to stay home while attending college for the first year or so.  I always feel safer when I have them at home.  I know that doesn't make a lot of sense, but it's the truth.  Michael's going to IUSB in the fall, to the School of Music.  He's written quite a few songs, and I think he has a great future ahead of him if he keeps it up.

Saturday was even more relaxing -- slept in, got caught up on some reading, and Steve and Aria went grocery shopping with me which was delightful, because I despise grocery shopping alone.  I'm not fond of it in general, but when I'm alone it's ten times worse.  We watched a couple of movies together as a family last night, then I slept in a bit this morning, too, before coming to work at Cool Breeze in Niles.  I enjoy it here because it's pretty quiet most of the time, and I get a lot accomplished while I'm working.

I'm doing my first giveaway on Facebook!  It's been up all week, and I only have eight entries so far, but at least eight people are paying attention, right?  Haha!  I have a beautifully scripted resin cross with two bible verses on it ready to give away.  It's open until Midnight tonight, then I do the giveaway by random number drawing tomorrow... I'm very excited.  I hope the winner is happy!

I'm trying very hard to be an encouragement and a help to others.  It's difficult for me because I've traditionally been a very pessimistic person, but I'm growing and learning more every day.  I've read the bible twice through, and the New Testament in particular at least three or four times.  All I keep coming away with is how it's about OTHER PEOPLE.  It's not about me.  It's loving, and helping, and being compassionate, and being available, and serving.  I get frustrated, yes.  I get angry, and disgruntled, and jaded, yes.  But through the pain and the heartache, my purpose is to be there for others through their pain and their heartache.  If I don't have a baby, so what?  At least I can comfort other women who haven't been able to have babies.  If I have struggled financially, it is so I can help counsel others with their financial struggles.  If I lose a loved one, it is so I can help others during their time of grieving.  If I resist the desire to punch someone, it is so I can help calm someone else who is as angry and frustrated as I've been.

To me, the Journey *IS* the destination.  I already know I'm loved unconditionally -- I need to help everyone else know that they are, too.  The trials and tribulations this life throws at me are nothing.  I'm blessed beyond words -- I have so many wonderful people in my life, so many things, so much food -- I need to share what I have and what I've learned with others.  That's my job.  And when I get so overwhelmed I can't take it anymore, I just have to remember one thing...

I'm not home yet.

When I am, the little happeys of this world and this life will be nothing in comparison to the everlasting joy I'll have in that one.

Stephanie Jean

*I don't suggest this method to anyone under 21, or anyone who is an alcoholic.  Thank you for reading my disclaimer.

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